we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
