i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
