If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
