You can't special order awesome
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
