their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I got inside last night via doggy door
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
