he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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