All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
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i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
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Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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