if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
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