I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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