Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
