why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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