I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
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