I puked a lego.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
