Christians are straight up FREAKS
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
it hurts more in the daytime
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
