sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
