Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
