I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
