I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
