In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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