He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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