Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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