bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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