Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
