take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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