my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Randomize