Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
