i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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