Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
there is glitter all over my balls
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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