So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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