Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
It all started with a game of naked twister.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
