Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
All I want is dick and wine.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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