Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
