I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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