I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
