I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Randomize
