Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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