Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
