If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
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I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
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We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize