your parents love me but you hate me
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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