forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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