she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
