Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
