my mouth tastes like poor choices
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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