Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
