don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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