That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
He better not be in your backpack
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
