Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I wish I only lived at night.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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