yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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