You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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