did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
