pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
