yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
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I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
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SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
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