They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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