White coat. Heels.
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
