I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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