remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
