I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
