Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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