used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
