I murdered the dance floor call the cops
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
