Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
