fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
